Throughout our lives, there will be times when we fall into this dark place and suddenly we become depressed, and when were at our darkest hour, we look for hope because we've lost so much self-esteem that we don't know what to do next. Depression is something that can be hidden, and sometimes no one will ever realize it until it's too late.
When I moved to South Carolina to attend Columbia International University back in August to run at the collegiate level, I didn't know what to expect. I never visited, so my first day for camp was my first time ever seeing CIU. I wasn't one of the star athletes you saw when you clicked on flrunners, but I was glad to make it to this level. Adjusting to college is a big thing, especially when you leave the state.
It was a complete culture shock for me and it was in the first week of classes when my depression really started to kick in. When the rest of the freshman moved in, they had all their parents and had all the usual things you would buy for your dorms, whereas I came to Columbia on a Greyhound with nothing, but two big bags, a comforter set, my computer, and my mother who was in Palm Beach unable to come back to Tallahassee to come with me. I got along great with my teammates, but when it came to rest of the student body, not so much. I just couldn't click with them and it made me even more depressed to the point I just gave up. When I came for camp, I was all smiles, but by October, I was trapped in this dark place, too scared to tell anyone what's going on and one day I just couldn't take it anymore. I went into my room one rainy October morning and attempted to take my life by hanging myself.
I punked out of it and ended up balling my eyes out, realizing that I need to talk to someone before it gets even worse. After talking to my coaches, my mother(who flew to Columbia to be with me), and my chaplain (being that I attend a Christian college), I got the help and went to group therapy for the next two weeks, and I had to put running on hold, and both my season and grades came to a screeching halt. I ended up missing cross country nationals that year, dropped to a 0.9 GPA, failed two classes, and was nearly ineligible to run this spring.
Despite everything that fell down upon me, I was able to not break down after finding someone to talk to upon coming back to school for the break. Once spring came, I knew I had a lot of work to do. Instead of being alone when I had free time, I reached out to the teammates who I grew close to, and talked to my coach on a regular basis. Despite missing nationals by less than a second in the 400, I grew closer with my team and realized they were there for me, and that I trusted them enough to talk to them about things more important than the sport we know and love. My grades got better, and my GPA will come to nearly a 3.0 this semester.
What's even better is that I was able to come out of this dark place that I was dealing with for the past couple years, so I'm blessed to make it out when there are others that unfortunately couldn't make it out.
I'm writing this to the ones who are dealing with depression, and aren't able to tell someone something's wrong. I'm here to tell you that it's okay to tell someone what's going on. Talk to your coach, a close teammate, AD, someone because they'll listen to you, and they could help you with your depression before it gets to the point of no return.
You are strong, and I believe you can make it through and cross the finish line and beat depression and win the gold medal of living life to the fullest and the great things life has for you. Just keep your head up, and put a smile on your face, it's gonna get better.Related Coverage
- Dealing With Depression (Helpguide.com)