2013: New Year And New Opportunities For Heitling

I have always been a big dreamer. I have always been a seemingly impossible goal setter and I have always thought that being a person with high expectations would lead me into great success. Even when I was younger, I let my dreams run wild and told my mother I wanted to be a princess, a gymnast, and a veterinarian. How in the world I ended up as a distance runner wanting to major in Fashion Merchandising and become an Olympian, I'm not quite sure. I do know that, when we were kids, we never had a doubt in our minds that what we wanted wasn't attainable because we didn't really know what heartbreak was; we just knew in our hearts that we could be whatever we wanted to be with no strings attached and we would never let anyone tell us that we couldn't be something. Unfortunately, those little children with dreams the size of the universe and boundless imaginations, grew up. We let circumstances and people tell us that it wasn't going to happen or that we weren't good enough and that if we thought it would actually work out, then we were foolish for thinking so. The issue with big dreams is that we like to let a little thing called “life” get in the way, and we find ourselves giving up because it seems like the “practical” thing to do, when in reality it's just the easy way out. As we all eventually realize we're no longer five year old children wanting nothing more than to be movie stars or cowboys and cowgirls when we grow up, and we decide that it's better to not have big goals and dreams for ourselves because of the possibility that even greater disappointments and hurt could occur. We are then left with two choices, either stop dreaming, or take a risk at getting hurt. I have always been a risk taker, but everything I dealt with last year certainly made me question if setting goals and going for something that seemed impossible was the right way to go.   

2012 was definitely one of my most challenging years not only as a runner, but also as a person, that I have ever had in my entire life. I didn't just wake up January 1st of 2012 and think for a second that I would ever be injured twice in one year, walk off my junior year state track meet, and then again have to sit out the majority of my senior year of  cross country all in the matter of just a few months. Not to mention, if that wasn't bad enough, once I finally would get back to running, at least to begin with, I wouldn't be as fast and or on the same level that I used to be. Instead I thought that I would finally be the girl standing on the podium with the gold medal and the words “And now...we have Ashley Heitling from Mount Dora High School as your 2A State 3200m Champion” being said by the announcer as cameras flashed with my thirst for first place finally being quenched. Then, for cross country, after a summer of hard training, I wanted to be the State Champion that I had so desperately hoped to be ever since my sophomore year, and again stand on the podium, hear my name, have the shining gold medal placed around my neck, all done so with a smile on my face so big, that my happiness was undeniable. My aspirations were that I would be a state champ, break 18 minutes by at least 30 seconds, qualify for San Diego, and become an All-American.

To say the absolute least, my State Champion, All-American dream sort of a took an exit down the road of “Yeah right” or “You're dumb if you think that's going to happen” when my heart fell completely to pieces and my entire world got ripped out from under me in a matter of a few seconds when I was forced to come to the conclusion that I had been injured. It would almost be like climbing a rope up and being so close to everything you've ever wanted when someone just decides to cut it for no reason and you end up falling flat on your face. I felt like in that instant my imagination was crippled and I would never want to dream again because there was no point if everything you work for can fall apart in a matter of moments. However, in that experience I found that things we don't have control over are sometimes going to go wrong no matter what we do, but that doesn't give us permission to stop striving and believing in our desires and in ourselves. In fact, I think it just makes us look at our aspirations in a different more intimate way, and what may had been a flicker of passion before, might be a conflagration of desire now because of the hardship that was overcome to get there.

With me, I never would have wished my injury upon myself or anyone else but the fact of the matter is that it happened and I had one decision to make, whether I would keep going and follow my goals or I would be content with my running career and end it right there. I chose to keep going, not because I want to selfishly be a state champ or be a pro runner one day but because I knew that maybe if my situation and decision could maybe help someone going through what I went through look back at my letdown and say “If she can make it, I can too”. Don't get me wrong, I am injury free now and am still going after the 3200m and 1600m State Championship in track that I want more now than ever before, but more importantly I am going back with experiences and lessons that not only have matured me as a runner as well as a person.

Therefore, I have a few different types of goals I'm aiming for in 2013. As far as times and finishing place related goals go for my 2013 Track season, I pretty much have the same goals I had last year. I want to obviously be injury free and definitely break eleven minutes in the 3200m, break five minutes in the 1600m, and be state champion in both of them in April. As far as goals involving me as a runner and experiencing everything goes, my goal is to truly enjoy each and every moment of my senior year track season in high school, and not worry about every little thing that could possibly go wrong and instead, be positive of what could go right and go after everything I've always strived for.

I have always been someone that aims high, and that is something that will never change whether it may be 2004, 2013, or 2020, I will always reach for my goals. Whether, I'm 7, 17, or 77, I always want to go for something that it larger than myself. I can't lie that 2012, with the injuries, and the letdowns absolutely put a damper on my goals, but I can say that it has only made me want to go after them even more. I have no earthly idea what 2013 will bring for me, but it is silly to be scared and worried about it. What I do know is that instead of being worried about the possibility of being injured again or not being as good as I want to be, I'm going to stay focused and be optimistic about what I want to achieve instead of dwelling on what I haven't. There will always be times where we get hurt, become discouraged by other people, and fall flat on your faces in life but instead of letting that define what you're going to do in life,just remember what it was like when you were younger and you would try to bean astronaut if you wanted to because there was no chance of failure. Go back to your childhood dreams when everything was in reach and even the unimaginable was possible. Dream again without fear of getting hurt because when you take away the fear of messing up, you bring towards you the things you actually want in life. So for me, I'm still hopelessly aspiring to be something better than my previous best, and there is no letdown great enough that can make me want to give up on what I've worked so hard for. Its a new year, filled with new races, people, and places so cheers to big dreams, great running, and a remarkable 2013 for everyone.

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