Having just entered my eighth decade, and second millennium of life (I was born in 1949), when it comes to fashions I can honestly look back over quite a few indiscretions on my part. In the beginning Mom made all the choices, and my classmates made all the comments. When old enough to do so, I chose clothes to be “in style,” which in the early-to-mid 60s were completely lacking in any. (My one tour de individuality was what I considered a “nifty” pair of moccasins, but they were just different enough from penny loafers for me to be reminded of that difference every single day of ninth grade.) Then came the 70s: new job, disposable salary, and I was the bomb…or so I thought. Old photo albums are an ever-ready, and continual source of amusement to my kids; “Hey, look, Dad was a hippy!” Now, of course, I am retired, and wear shorts (in or out of season) and those of my children who still suffer to be seen with me, refer to me as “my Dad and his Hawaiian shirt.” I, of course, like my clothes. They are light, loose, and form-fitting; perfect for a man of my, ahem, 61 year old physique. My kids, who generally walk on the other side of Main Street when in Deland, think otherwise. And that, in a nutshell (finally) brings us to the point.
After each meet I sort through approximately 500-1,000 photos, seeing each one numerous times. Today’s track (and cross country) uniforms transcend the sport. They are a vignette of what defines the moment in time where we exist. (They also finance the fashion industry.) All I can say is, wow, wait until your kids see you!
In the meantime, I’ve started exercising, eating right, taking vitamins, and avoiding all sources of stress. My hope is to hang on long enough to greet the next generation of tracksters, as this generation’s living time capsule. If I—and my loud shirts—survive until I am 81, I plan to premier a business called Ralph’s Trackside House of Shirts; a nostalgic glance back at Mom and Pop in their prime. I will have a full line of silkscreened images of all the latest styles from the long-gone—good riddance—past; images on shirts, calendars, pillow cases, mugs, throws, shoe laces, and inserts for big, round earrings….
Right now all this is still in the planning stages, but I have tentatively picked what I think will be the top twelve selling “blasts from the pasts.”
12-Running bras. Ask a Mom today, and she’ll say, “It’s the greatest invention since baby formula!” But then, watch Dad’s face when you tell him that RBs are the sole above-waist garment being worn during long practice runs. (Fast forward to 2081: “Hey, look; It’s Mom when she was skinny and she’s flashing the greeter at Walmart!”)
11-Stretchy tube socks with bunnies, ducks, etc. “What exactly is their point?” I asked Jim Lowenstein, a fount of irrelevant information, and he told me, “Yeah, they were like $1 a pair when I was running.” (A good enough reason, kids, to quit right now!) “They were like nylon stockings in the 70s, but striped all the way.* On our team, you weren’t ‘allowed to wear matching socks, and (here we diverge) if you had a new pair of shoes, everyone had to step on them.” *Believe it or not, I have photos that prove camp-following women actually wore striped socks during the Civil War…you know, the one fought from 1861-1865. Lowe, just how old are you?
10-Nasal strips/Breathe Right.I don’t know if they help you breathe better, but it does prevent sunburn. Mostly, I wonder what happens when the love bugs are in season?
9-Ear band aids. Gee, I wonder what’s under them, especially the really big ones?
8-Belly button rings.(Only visible on female runners whose uniform tops fall short of the bottoms. ) If you get one caught on a hurdle, will your intestines unravel?
7-Arm warmers/Compression sleeves.If you run really, really fast, it can feel cold in Florida, in which case you’ll be glad you wore yours.
6-Elastic therapeutic sport tape/Kinesio Tape. Does blue tape really work, or is Kenzo Kase (a Japanese chiropractor) laughing all the way to the bank? (Okay, so I admit to having once rubbed on Heat to stay warm in winter meets), and Workout (a horse liniment) for soreness.)
5-Bling. Hood ornaments are instrumental in intimidating other entrants in the throws, since everyone knows that the more you pack, the further you throw. However, do not bling your bring into competition, lest you be tossed from your “circle of friends”.
4-Track spikes on an eight minute miler.At the root of all new fashions is the fear that you will not “fit.” Certain photos, however, make me think of the ballerina shoes on the dancing hippos in Fantasia.
3-Sunglasses.Not only do they hide your pain, but like those worn by Smoky, will involuntarily force you opposition to pull over when you rapidly approach from the rear.
2-Names on the back of uniform bottoms.Am I supposed to look at teenage girls’ derrière, or not? And who--or what--is Pink?
1-A one-piece “speedsuit” on just about anyone.Whether you are big-bodied or ultra-thin, these suits leave little to the imagination, and expose much that we didn’t want to know about in the first place. Reminds me of my own Speedo back in the day; “Hey, look,” my own kids say, here’s one of Dad when he was a lifeguard!” Kids, before the next meet, before you finish dressing, I want you to momentarily close your eyes and imagine your speed suit on the body of one of your coaches. Believe it or not, someday, when you arrive at a high school track meet to watch your kids run—and I have my “Tent-o-Tease” set up at the end of the track—your kids might be exposed to a similarly inspiring sight!
From the FHSAA
• 4-3-1 UNIFORMS: Competitors may wear a one-piece (singlet) or two-piece track & field uniform issued by the school. A male competitor must wear his jersey inside his shorts at all times. A female competitor must wear her jersey inside her shorts at all times, unless her jersey is designed to be worn outside the shorts. 
Jerseys designed to be worn outside the shorts must hang below the waistband of the shorts when standing erect. Competitors in violation of this rule will not be permitted to compete. The enforcement of this rule is the responsibility of the starter or event judge, but the ultimate responsibility for wearing the proper uniform rests with the team coach. Each contestant must be numbered on the back of his/her jersey with numerals of color that contrast with the color of the jersey and is not less than three-quarters (3/4) inch wide. The number must be at least six inches high. Contestants on the same team may not wear identical numbers. However, athletes from the same school participating in the same event must wear identical uniforms. Headbands which are no more than two (2) inches wide and made of non-abrasive, unadorned cloth, elastic, fiber, soft leather, or rubber are permissible. Hair-restraining devices no more than two (2) inches made of soft material are legal. Decorative headwear is prohibited. Commercial advertising, with the exception of the manufacturer’s logo, is prohibited on all athletic uniforms. All jewelry, with the exception of wristwatches, is prohibited.
• 3-2-4(a) SHOES: The Games Committee has the authority to determine the length of spikes used on all-weather surfaces. Track spikes may not exceed one-half (1/2) inch in length when measured from the sole to the tip of the spike.